Last week in preparation for some meetings with company leaders, I thought again about who I’ve worked with over the years and why they have and haven’t got the large increase in referrals they wanted.

If you’re not getting the quality and amount of referrals you want, be brutally honest with yourself and look carefully for what you need to address:

1.  OPEN

-   To learning, coaching and changing. Most people consider themselves to be quite coachable, but the truth is many of us are not that open to doing things differently. This is partly because sometimes it means we have to admit that we’re not very good at something or that part of our business is weak or that – heaven forbid – we’re not perfect!

Are you really willing to grow your business differently? Some advisors are not open to get out of their comfort zone by asking or put in the time needed to develop great centres of influence. Resistance to change is human. Is it getting in your way? 

2.  EARNED

Nobody refers business as usual. I worked recently with an adviser in California who struggled to get referrals at first because he had been too transactional over the years with many of his clients. Not until his service improved and he spent more time building stronger relationships with his clients did he start to get good feedback such that he knew he had earned the right to ask for referrals.

What kind of value do you hear your clients tell you they are getting from working with you? 

3.  MOTIVATION

The spoils almost always go to the most motivated. How jazzed are you about your goals? Drive helps you persist on those flat days and work on your referral asking when the results don’t go as desired.

How enthusiastically do you talk about what you do? Sales is a transfer of enthusiasm and you are a magnet – positive, negative or neutral. People are much more likely to recommend you when they can tell you enjoy what you do.

Are you willing to invest money in getting better at referrals? The only people I coach who see results almost always pay for it themselves.

Do you have a job or a vocation? As I wrote about recently when I summarized Daniel Pink’s book, Drive, purpose is a motivator. The more you connect your livelihood to helping others and making a difference, the more compelling and congruently you will communicate. This makes you a more effective asker (see point 5). 

4.  BELIEF

I think this is the most important point. The stronger you believe in how much you can help others, the sillier it gets not to ask for referrals. Why on earth would people not refer you? Why on earth would you not ask?

If you don’t like the result you are getting with referrals, it is because you have a belief somewhere that is not helping.

Your belief in yourself will push you to keep asking for bigger and better, to stop playing small, to show more courage, and to get out of your comfort zone.

Your end goal is to expect others to recommend you. (This won’t happen every time, but so what?) When you ask and expect others to help, you are infinitely more likely to get a favourable response. 

5.  ASK

-   For what you want. I know this sounds screamingly obvious but most advisors do not ask for referrals. Yet you cannot grow a business solely on unsolicited business. You cannot get all you want in life without asking. The obstacles are almost all in points 1-4.

(If you use lack of time as an excuse, that’s another smokescreen for not taking responsibility to make changes and to think big enough that you are capable or deserving to get the results you say you want). 

6.  WORDING

It does make a difference what you say. For quite a few advisers the one obstacle is simply that they have never found wording they can get comfortable with.

Read through the 6 Steps to a Fearless Referral Conversation either from my blogs or my book and make sure you use at least the steps about being specific and making sure your referral source is comfortable with how to open the door for you. 

7.  PRACTICE

How many hours have you put into developing an effective referral conversation? How else can you hope to play the tune? Remember, knowing isn’t doing. Only action (practice) counts. 

8.  HABITS

Is asking a habit for you? Do you pre-plan what you want to ask for before you hold meetings? Ultimately you want to hardwire your brain so that asking for referrals is second nature. This might take a while, but since it’s everyone’s favourite way to get business, isn’t it worth it?

Please forward this on.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

Copyright 2011.

“I always forget to ask.” 

Most of the time, what they really mean is:

“I am not comfortable asking.” 

Getting comfortable asking is the most important piece to developing a thriving referral business. That’s what chapters 1-4 address. 

Using a written agenda for meetings provides one solution to those who are comfortable asking for referrals or who are at least getting more comfortable.  Although, come to think if it, even if you are not asking for referrals, your business will benefit. I promise. 

Having a formal agenda may sound pretty trivial; but for many of you reading this, it is not (I’m not going to waste your time or mine here!). 

There are many reasons to have a written agenda. Few top sales professionals are naturally organized and few have the time to want to spend on creating agendas. But I believe it is another tool that will help you get more referrals. 

*A sample skeleton agenda and script are below. 

The Advantages to Using an Agenda: 

1. From a referral standpoint, the intent here is to plant the seed that there is more to the meeting than just what may be obvious (see sample below) and that there will be some kind of ‘value discussion’ that you can use to pivot to having a referral conversation provided your client is happy,

2. Using an agenda will help to make sure you commit to including a value discussion and not forget again or run the meeting too long. 

3. It will help you see a referral conversation as a way you can bring more value to your client by giving them a chance to look good by recommending someone as good as you (and not seeing it as a time to focus on your needs—this is a very important and empowering paradigm). Being given referrals should build relationships. 

4. It sets a different tone. Try using an agenda at least for a period of time. I have never heard someone say they regretted using one. It will not transform your meetings, but many people say it sets a more professional tone. It may seem a bit stuffy to a few of you, but most people like dealing with organized professionals. No client fully respects and prefers paying someone who flies by the seat of his pants on a regular basis—even though you seem to think it is fun. It respects their time more and allows for a discussion on other priorities that may have changed since your last correspondence. 

Your clients like to know what to expect and will appreciate it, even if it’s only subconscious. They will feel more comfortable. Remember: certainty is a fundamental human need. 

5. It will help you confront your real fears behind asking for referrals and help you start asking more effectively. 

A few tips about agendas: 

1. Make them simple and very easy to duplicate OR delegate them to someone else. If you’re saying to yourself: “Matt, this doesn’t fit with my personality,” re-read the advantages, see if you really have these covered already and keep reading. 

2. Give your client a copy of it, preferably one that’s exactly the same so it looks like you are both literally on the same page and that you’re not hiding anything.  

Note: If you are still perfecting your referral conversation and need written reminders for yourself (and you think you need to put them on your version of the agenda), try to keep them as brief and simple as possible and remove them as soon as you remember. 

3. Consider e-mailing or mailing your agenda out ahead of time. This looks very professional and organized and, most importantly, gives your client a chance to make sure you are both on the same page and doesn’t surprise you when he or she walks in the door with a topic you’re not prepared for. 

4. With prospects, have a conversation at the start of your meeting about how that person heard about you. Regardless of what they say, it gives you a chance to say something like, “That’s unusual! Pretty much everyone I work with these days was recommended to me by someone else.”  

Or “most of my business comes from people saying nice things about me to other people.” You are planting some seeds here. If most of your business comes from personal recommendations, that makes a statement to them about how well you run your business and that many others have felt strongly enough to put their integrity on the line to refer others to you. 

5. Focus on the client. The wording and items in general on your agenda should focus on the client, not you. 

6. Don’t use the “R” word. Put Value Discussion/Conversation/Check-in on your agenda. Do NOT use the word referrals on your agenda. This word is DEAD; it does not resonate positively with the general public anymore. It’s like the word “used”; used cars became pre-owned cars and more recently are being called pre-driven cars. Next they will be called pre-touched or pre-sat down in… You get the point. 

Since you cannot have a referral conversation and ask for referrals unless you have earned them, first you need to verify that you have. The best way to do this is to have a conversation about what the biggest benefit/s have been to your client (see Step 2 in Chapter 6). 

Therefore, call (what you want to become) your referral conversation something like “Value Discussion” (my favorite), “feedback” or perhaps “customer service update.” Some sales people I know have put on their agendas “Clients Helping Friends Program,” “Helping Others” or “Other Ways We Help People You Care About.” All of these can be effective provided you are comfortable with them. 

I am not an advocate for calling it anything more obvious (such as “Introductions,” “Personal Recommendations” or anything tacky that more or less says “Help Me Grow My Business”). This is partly because today’s consumer is more aware of older school sales techniques and because they scream the “me, me, me” approach. It turns people off. 

7. You’ll notice that the value discussion does not come last on the agenda. You don’t want to run out of time. Again, the healthiest mindset is that the discussion is not intended to benefit you (it will, but your client doesn’t care about that) but to make your client look good by recommending you. In other words, recommending you is a value-added service. For example, it’s like the time you recommended a friend to your chiropractor and she returned delighted because of how much better her back felt. How did you feel after that? 

8.  Item 7 on the sample agenda that follows is intended as the assumed close—that you expect them to do business with you. You can still reduce the prospect’s resistance by telling them; “If you think this looks like a good fit for you, then we’ll schedule our next appointment. If you don’t think this is best for you, we won’t; but hopefully you’ll at least have learned something beneficial. How does that sound?”  

But you still have your expectation firmly in black and white on the agenda. 

SAMPLE AGENDA FOR INITIAL MEETING 

Name:                                                                           Date:                                   

How did you hear about me? 

1.  Tell me about you. Update your info. Your expectations.

2.  (optional) Why me/ABC Company or About me

3.  Your objectives for today’s meeting:

a)

b)

c)

4.  Other ways I can help you: (list)

5.  Value conversation/Feedback/Insights

6.  Q&A

7.   Schedule next appointment/annual review

Sample Agenda Script 

“Before we get started, I’d just like to go over the agenda quickly. Oh, and do you still have ‘till 3pm? Great. Well first off, I want to make sure we have all your contact information up to date and I would like to know a little bit about you and find out what your expectations are of me. Then the primary reason for our meeting today is to take a look at your (ex.) investment goals and see if there are any better ways that suit your needs than what you are already doing. After that I’d like to quickly go over a few other ways I can help you, have a brief (what I call) ‘value discussion’ to make sure this was a good use of your time, answer any remaining questions you have, and then, if everything looks good to us, schedule your next appointment. How does that sound?” 

DO IT! Make up a simple generic agenda that you can start using, print off 50 copies of it and see how it helps to set a calmer, more professional tone to your meetings.

Please forward this on.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

Copywright 2011.

“As we get older, we are made to feel guilty for playing,” he argues. But here’s the sad reality: “Life without play is a grinding, mechanical existence organized around doing the things necessary for survival.” Ever felt that way about your life? Those days where you say: ‘Is this all there is?’

The benefits to play are surprisingly many: it helps our happiness; it is at the core of our creativity and frees up our mind to come up with innovative solutions to our problems; it helps us socialize more successfully, it re-energizes us and gives us a sense of excitement and adventure.

There are health benefits too. The more we play, learn and explore, the less prone we are to dementia, heart disease and other afflictions. We find more pleasure in the world and our behavior becomes less fixed. We are more emotionally resilient and less likely to snap.

More play makes us more optimistic which also makes us more creative. All of this shows up in how we communicate with others. Feeling more upbeat helps attract business and makes others want to spend more time with us – and it keeps neediness out of our voice. It lowers violence in our society and increases the level of communication.

While play appears purposeless for humans and animals, the fact that animals (even ants!) take the time to play means it serves a real purpose for survival and helps all of us prepare for an evolving planet. Visualization is another form of play that takes our minds to places we’ve never been and can help us see a picture of the future we want.

The opposite of play, however, is not work: it’s depression – “a dulled soul”. Play and work are mutually supportive. We need the liveliness and purpose of both. We need to feel competent. Brown argues that play at work is essential and that we should “see work as a game full of players.”

If you want to find the path in life that fuels your spirit, make play a key part of it. Here are a few wonderful suggestions:

1.  Take some time to figure out what excited you as a child and re-experience the feelings. Re-connect.

2.  Expose yourself to opportunities to play

3.  Give yourself permission to be playful and to be a beginner (it’s okay to look silly)

4.  Fun is your North Star, but you don’t always have to follow it

Work can put us in a state of ‘flow’ too. Some things we consider play have many qualities of work. Sometimes we have to stick at something that is hard work for a long time before great satisfaction appears.

5.   Be active. Vitality and emotional confidence come from being in motion.

 6.  Free yourself of fear. Find a safe haven where you can enjoy your play: “the ability to play is there in all of us and is transformative when it is rediscovered.”

 7.  Nourish your mode of play and be with people who nourish it, too.

Please forward this on.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

There are three types of motivation according to Pink:

Motivation 1.0 is Biological: hunger, thirst, sex

Motivation 2.0 consists of Rewards and Punishments (the carrot and stick). This is how the business world still mostly operates even though science has long found it to be a poor model (except for work that is consistently dull and repetitive).

Flaws of Motivation 2.0: It CAN sometimes:

a)    Kill intrinsic motivation (so don’t always give gifts for referrals – offering money can taint an altruistic act)

b)    Decrease performance

c)     Crush creativity

d)    Crowd out good behavior

e)    Encourage cheating, short cuts and unethical behavior (why did the markets crash in 2008?!)

f)      Become addictive

g)    Foster short-term thinking

Motivation 3.0 is Intrinsic – an innate desire to make a difference, enjoy autonomy, mastery and live one’s purpose.

a) Autonomy: Most people want self-directed, interesting work and they are less motivated by money than the business world thinks. Pink believes our ‘default’ setting is to be self-directed and that it is management and reimbursement practices that are outdated and push into a carrot and stick lifestyle.

The growing trend is the ROWE (Results Only Work Environment) which gives employees flexibility about what work they want to do, where they work (from home?), when they work (no schedule – just get the work done), how they work (more than one way to do something well) and with whom. A recent study at Cornell University found companies who offered this kind of freedom grew FOUR times faster and had one-third the turnover!

20% Time: Google offers this to its development teams. 20% of the time they can work on ANY project they choose. The only requirement is that they present their new ideas to their colleagues. Most of the company’s best ideas have come out of this open, creative exploration time.

How could you apply this to your business? Schedule an afternoon and ask yourself: what would be a fun project to start or explore?

b) Mastery: becoming one of the best in your field

This begins by being in a state of ‘flow’ – when the hours fly by because you are so engrossed in what you are doing. Signs you are not in flow are when you feel nervous, restless, tired or lacking focus. Pink goes so far as to state that this experience is the key to thriving in the 21^st century.

Mastery is a mindset: you must believe you can improve your skills significantly – do you? Mastery involves PAIN, frustration and usually years of deliberate practice yet it generally also remains alluring (sounds weird, I know). Only intrinsic drive will sustain you.  Pink quotes former basketball star Julius Irving:

Being a professional is doing the things you love to do on the days you don’t feel like doing them.

c) Purpose:

As people get older, they think more about and are increasingly motivated by living a life of significance and making a difference in the world. The 60 year-old baby boomer looks back at the past 25 years knowing how fast those years went and then looks ahead knowing the next 25 will go even faster.

Pink notes that while it sounds ‘touchy feely’, these conversations are happening on an unprecedented scale – and not just with the boomer generation. Are you talking more to your clients about this?

Until 2024, 100 boomers are now turning 60 every 30 minutes in the US. They are the wealthiest and best educated generation the world has ever known.

“Purpose is a motivator.”

What is yours?

And it’s not just boomers. Tom’s Shoes are a for-profit company with giving back at their core. Steve, a financial advisor client of mine in Texas, has his own brand of wine and for every litre sold, he provides a litre of drinking water to children in Africa. Kevin Smith, an insurance agent friend of mine in Chicago, set up a project last year to find enough work for a homeless person that he could live independently.

What are your goals for this year? Just chasing extrinsic ones around money and having things can easily lead to poor relationships and more stress. Who wants another year of that! Set some intrinsic goals such as mastery of a skill or a certain level of great health so you can be there for your family rather than losing 10 pounds for an upcoming holiday or wedding.

You were born to be active and engaged by the world. If you are not feeling charged now, figure out how to get a break in your schedule to recharge and come up with some great ideas. You owe it to everyone in your life.

Please forward this on.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

-        So You Find the Time to Ask for and Get More Referrals! 

“You have exactly as much time as the richest person in the world, the most powerful person, and the wisest person: 24 hours each day.”     Dan Baker 

“Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.”           Elbert Hubbard    

The big picture to your referral business is the rest of your life and where it all fits in. There is definitely a time and a place to step back and make sure you are heading in the right direction. 

I am compelled to share the time management system I’ve been using for over 15 years because so many people blame lack of time as a major impediment in their life. Next week I will share my weekly planning strategy. However, goals and habits are more important and need to be addressed first! 

Just last week Robert, a client of mine, complained for the umpteenth time that he just never had enough time in his life and –for our purposes – to follow up effectively with the referrals he was working so hard to get in the first place! I offered him some short-term suggestions, but it really starts at the top with being ever clearer about what you want in life. 

“The mantra of the millennium is ‘I don’t have time. I don’t have time. I don’t have time’” Dan Baker, in his wonderful book What Happy People Know, expresses no sympathy for this so-called belief, pointing out that there are still 24 hours in every day. He argues that we are programmed by fear to want everything often because we feel like we are not good enough as we are.  

“The real culprit is making decisions that are driven by fear: choosing too much, choosing a happiness trap* as a priority, or not choosing at all. These are actions that squander time and render it scarce.” 

(*The happiness traps are worth listing: trying to buy happiness; trying to find it through pleasure/indulgence; trying to over-analyze the past and end up a victim; trying to overcome weaknesses; trying to force happiness) 

His advice is to make sure you prioritize what is truly most valuable to you. The three areas that fulfill us most are our purpose, our health and our relationships. This leads me back to the Big Picture. 

Goals: This is a great place to start. There are many excellent books on this topic. My favorites are Brian Tracy’s Goals!, David Rock’s Personal Best, Fiona Harrold’s Be Your Own Life Coach, and Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. David Rock gets you to have some fun creating short and snappily-worded goals that really sing to you. At present I like starting my day out with Brian Tracy’s method of writing out 12 month goals in the present tense and starting each sentence with the word ‘I’ ex. I earn $x, I work out x times/week, I enjoy time with my family x times/year etc. This is fun so long as you stretch yourself and think bigger with your goals or else it can get monotonous. The real juice comes from picturing each one actually existing in your life. 

I also enjoy John Eliot’s contrarian perspective in Overachievement that goals can be limiting if you want to be a really high achiever. His research at Rice University finds that you can get too focused on detail and strategies rather than passionately pursuing the dream, enjoying and excelling at the process and focusing on what’s possible. 

The real point here is to create something big that you’re up to. Goals based around what matters most to you can get you excited and in action. Your business and financial goals can all be impacted significantly by getting consistently more high quality referrals. That’s why you’re reading this! 

Habits: Many of us try out new ideas and strategies in our business and even though we see some positive results, we do not turn them into habits. There are things we did when we first started out that helped us get where we are today – and yet we stopped doing them! 

Whether it was because those activities were always outside our comfort zone or because they required greater self-discipline, the fact is we are living small, avoiding complete responsibility, and not fulfilling our potential by avoiding doing these important and effective things. 

The book that has influenced me more than any other has to be Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is information that the growing Gen Y may not be as familiar with. Please spread the word so that they recognize the timeless power of these seven habits:

     1.  Be proactive: take complete responsibility for all areas of your life – much easier said than done. How’s your health? Is there something more you could be doing there? What about your financial situation? Relationships with family members? It’s very easy to put the blame ‘out there’ but this resolves nothing.  

      2.  Begin with the end in mind: know where you want to go in all areas of your life. When Alice tells the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland that she doesn’t know where she wants to go, the cat replies: “Well, then, any road will do.” Don’t be another Alice!

     3.  Put first things first: not pursuing the most important things in life is the cause of most of our unhappiness. You want to spend your time on the first things in your life.

     4.  Think Win/Win: Life and business work so much better when both parties are happy. This is why I believe that asking for and getting referrals should strengthen relationships. Your job is to make sure that the person who referred you is going to get a thank you and great feedback. Your goal is to make that referral source feel terrific – not least so they will refer you again but also to honor the relationships that are being impacted. Everybody has put their integrity on the line.

How can you grow a business if you’re squeezing referrals out of people who are not particularly impressed with the work you’ve done? It violates every principle out there. That’s why you want to ask clients to tell you about the value they have received.

     5.  Seek first to understand, then to be understood: poor communication is the main reason for challenges in life and business. Make sure the other person knows he or she has been understood before you respond. Much easier said than done! For most of us this is a skill to develop.

     6.  Synergize: you cannot get to the top on your own no matter how proud you are about being ‘independent’. Reaching out for support and guidance and working together with others will move you from good to great. If you are obsessed with doing it all yourself, you are not at the top of your game. I know not least because that’s how I used to be!

     7.  Sharpen the Saw: this means that if you don’t take care of yourself first, you are no good to anyone. You have physical, emotional, spiritual and mental needs that must all be nurtured and kept active for you to be an effective person.

Goals and habits are the first piece to mastering your time and deciding where the referrals you want come into play. There is a second more strategic piece and that’s weekly planning and I’ll share some great things that work there next week.

Who else would appreciate this review? Please spread the wealth and forward it on!

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

Here are a few suggestions of my favorite ideas. Pick the ones that appeal to you. What counts though is what you DO, that you turn what works into HABITS and that you do those things WHETHER you feel like it or not!

Question 1: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

If you had all the time and money, all the resources and contacts, what would you do? Dream big dreams first so you don’t play small. The fact that others have achieved remarkable things means it is possible for you too.

Question 2: What would you do if you only had six months to live?

This helps you see your priorities clearly. Many people respond by saying: “Well, I’d do more of this and I certainly wouldn’t continue with that.”

Question 3: What are the three best things that happened to you in 2010? What are three things you would have done differently?

Question 4: What is success for you?

Time with loved ones? A certain level of health? Feeling grateful? Is it a red Ferrari? Be true to yourself and be wary of our society’s definitions influencing the real you.

Question 5: What are five goals you have for 2011?

a)    Think about where you want to be by 12/31/11 and write them in the present tense as if they have already happened: ex. I work out three times/week; I talk to my parents/children three times/week; I earn business revenues of $ABC.

b)    Start each sentence with the word ‘I’

c)     Avoid thinking: “Do I deserve these?” Instead ask: “Are these goals worthy of ME?”

d)    Consider including something about enjoying the journey. It is counter-intuitive but focusing on the pleasure removes some of the pressure and often helps you win more often. It makes you a more positive magnet.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

There are two sections in the book. The authors first list five BrainPower Tools that match the neuroscience with the psychology to high achievers. Then they describe in detail eight Win Factors.

The Five Brain Power Tools.

Tool #1: Opportunity Radar: this is the entrepreneurial skill of putting yourself in the right place at the right time and investigating interesting opportunities. Often these are disguised as problems. Trust your gut on these.

Tool #2: Optimal Risk Gauge: meaning is often made from stretching ourselves. When it comes to risk, you need to be good at recognizing what they are, which you can tolerate, and whether you are willing to pay the price.

Tool #3: Goal Laser: this is about deliberately taking the steps to go after what you want regardless of the inevitable life distractions you have. “It gives you the patience to delay gratification, often for years, without getting sidetracked along the way.”

Tool #4: Effort Accelerator: are you willing to push through all the obstacles, work hard, and avoid procrastinating on what you must do whether you feel like it or not?

Tool #5: Talent Meter: Know your own competencies and where you need to improve. 

Which of these eight Win Factors describe you?

   1.   Self-Awareness

When you are clearer about your strengths and the areas you need to improve on, you can create circumstances that help you succeed. You can become more effective in all areas of your life.

For example, the more you are willing to bridge the gap between your public and real self, it is easier to gauge how others experience you. “You come across as unafraid to share your real self and are more likely to be perceived as a confident, authentic person.”

Also, “People who have a very stable sense of self, regardless of their present circumstances, tend to be long-term thinkers.”

   2.   Motivation

This is your fuel. Consistency is important when it comes to motivation because this will sustain you through the necessary mundane tasks too. Ideally, find a way to feel inspired by the dull activities too (get in a state of ‘flow’) since they are helping you reach your goal.

Most motivation needs to come from within you. Recent research on motivation published in Daniel Pink’s book, Drive, finds that money and material gain rarely drive us – especially with work that is interesting, creative and self-directed.

    3.    Focus

Being clear about what the most important task is and doing it first is what ‘winners’ do. The challenge is shutting out all the distractions and interruptions. The good news is that getting better in this area is possible with practice, firm boundaries and self-discipline. Practice can also mean making sure you prepare well – for a meeting, presentation or performance.

Conversely, “sometimes not focusing during idle moments gives us the solution to problems.”

   4.   Emotional Balance

You don’t want your emotions to take control of your brain – successful people do things whether they feel like it or not. Recognizing and anticipating the emotional responses of yourself and others means you know when to stop, start and adjust emotions to fit into any given situation.

For example, when musician B.B. King feared a fight might break out at a concert, he would deliberately change the lineup of his songs and play something upbeat to change the mood of the crowd.

   5.   Memory

We all use past experiences to evaluate ourselves; the winner’s brain makes sure it is improve performance. In other words, such people don’t beat themselves up and dwell on failure. They seek ways to grow and be proactive. They use their memory to make predictions about the future that can help them reach their goals.

Being able to look farther ahead means you can consider better the consequences of your potential actions and adjust your strategy. Practice helps strengthen your memory too – especially useful if you need to recall information when you are under pressure. Ideally you want this to get to automatic pilot – why it is mandatory training for physicians, firefighters, FBI agents and pilots.

   6.   Resilience

Making mistakes is human. We don’t get what we want every time. The journey does not always go according to plan. The winner’s brain bounces back faster and reframes failures into lessons to work to their advantage.

It’s like speed dating: meeting a lot of people makes tolerating failure easier and can strengthen your resilience until a great fit for you comes along. Remember the BEST hitters in baseball only connect on one out of three.

In addition, winner’s have an internal locus of control which means they believe they can take charge of much of their destiny – not just blame their past, wait for the phone to ring or to get a sign from a higher power.

Also, you cannot outperform your self-image. But you can build this up stepping out of your comfort zone gradually and consistently and being “willing to take a few blows to the old ego”.

   7.   Adaptability

Your brain has plasticity and is always changing. Winners make the most of this by adapting to changing circumstances. Because of the extensive knowledge they need to have covering 25,000 streets and thousands of places of interest, London Black Cab drivers actually reshape parts of their brains.

You can change your thinking and change the shape of parts of your brain: “it is quite literally the secret to molding a Winner’s Brain and the backbone of brainstorm tips in this book.”

“You can take control of your brain and overhaul your life.” With enough repeated thought, new neural pathways can grow denser. Isn’t that exciting news?!

Yoga, meditation and cognitive behavioral psychology can help the brain adapt too. They can slow down our racing minds, increase calm, awareness and enhance emotional detachment. Brainstem nuclei get thicker which increases serotonin – linked to us feeling a greater sense of wellbeing. 

   8.   Brain Care

Cultivating your brain can be helped by getting lots of exercise, giving your brain rich and meaningful experiences, getting enough sleep and eating a proper diet. Increased oxygen and better blood flow help you grow neurons and prevent Alzheimer’s. “Living an interesting life full of challenges, relationships and accomplishments” stimulates neural connections.

In terms of food, everything that passes your lips goes to your brain. Essential fatty acids found in fish, eggs and nuts develop brain power. Antioxidants found in apples and blueberries in particular also help stimulate brain regeneration. Lastly, do not skimp on sleep! Seven-eight hours a night is what the authors recommend.

To sum up, there are takeaways for all of us here. Whether we need to think longer-term about how to get where we want to go, to find ways to follow through better on the less-enjoyable things we must do to reach our goals, or simply to get more sleep, good luck on your journey!

Thanks for reading this. Please forward it on.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

He felt awkward about telling them what he did for fear he would be seen as trying to sell them something. You may well have been there too. I know I have.

The first thought that flitted into my head was:

He doesn’t really believe in what he does. He doesn’t believe he’s making a difference. 

It’s hard to charge into a conversation with a virtual stranger with this idea, so I asked him what he was doing before he became a financial advisor. He explained that he had spent several years as a missionary in various Third World countries. My next thought was:

Wow, that must have felt like jugular work for him. Insurance and investments might seem pretty trivial to him by comparison. 

He then went on to explain how emotionally flat he felt upon returning to the US – especially after having done some earthquake emergency rescue work in El Salvador! Now his dilemma made a lot of sense. If he could not come to believe that he was making a meaningful difference, he was going to fail out of his current business. 

I then recalled a current client of mine, Jason, who is also a financial advisor and used to be a minister at a church. I wondered what he said to himself to feel a sense of purpose. Here was his (email) reply to me. Even if you’re not religious, look at this as a worldview:

“My personal feeling is that God calls us to different areas of ministry.  Ministry does not always look like a pastor, missionary, etc. There are those of us who are called to the Marketplace to minister to people with the gifts and talents that God has given to us.  The most important thing is to be faithful in what we are called to do.” 

My point to sharing this is not to advocate one religious faith over another but so that you dig deep and ask yourself: why do I do what I do? This is a tale of two people who had very similar religious beliefs but very different beliefs about their vocation in financial services:

One was un-empowered: afraid to contact people about his business, afraid of being seen as salesy and struggling to make it.

The other was empowered: always open to helping people in business, proud of how he can help people and thriving in business.

How do YOU connect your vocation to your mission and purpose? How does it correlate to the level of success in your business?

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

Daniel Coyle’s new book, The Talent Code, is another in the recent spate of books that offers compelling and exciting evidence for individuals (and recruiters) that genius is not born, it is grown. And that YOU can grow it! Here’s how:

1. Deep Practice: it’s not who you are; it’s what you DO

“If you don’t practice, you’ll never play the tune.”

a) What’s your tune? The Bronte sisters were not born great writers. They produced volumes of “slap dash” content as youngsters full of “appalling” spelling and punctuation. Brazilian boys are not born World Cup-winning footballers. Amongst other factors, their academy players practice twenty hours/week compared to five in the UK. Tiger Woods put in more hours of golf by the time he was five than most people play in a lifetime. Jessica Simpson worked tirelessly in Dallas from the age of 11 with one of the USA’s best voice and performance coaches.

Michelangelo moved in with a stonecutter’s family when he was six to learn sculpture. He was 24 before he first produced work considered ‘promising’. His opinion? “If people knew how hard I had to work to gain my mastery, it would not seem so wonderful at all.”

Also, practice on the edge of your abilities. It’s not just about hard work. It’s the right kind of practice. It doesn’t have to be endless hours. Part of this is:

b) Make lots of small mistakes and learn from them.

Here’s the problem we have as adults: we try to avoid mistakes. But without them, there is no skill development.

c) Scientific evidence is growing fast: Deep Practice develops more and more MYELIN which is the insulation that wraps nerve fibers and increases signal strength, speed and accuracy. Why does this matter? “Every human movement, thought, or feeling is a precisely timed electric signal traveling through a chain of neurons – a circuit of nerve fibers.”

More myelin = more skill = more talent.

Here’s the weird part: the more you develop a skill circuit, the LESS aware you are that you’re using it. It gives us the powerful illusion that we’re naturals. It’s why top producers make many things look effortless. Somewhere along the line, they have put in their time.

d) Break your learning into chunks, repeat it and learn to ‘feel’ your progress – to sense when you are ‘off’, to develop a taste for deep practice so that mild struggle feels positive. Be the staggering baby learning to walk better.

2. Motivation

Coyle calls this ‘ignition’. “Deep practice isn’t a piece of cake: it requires energy, passion and commitment.” Got passion?

a) Future belonging motivates.

Why did the number of South Korean golfers on the LPGA Tour go from 1-35 between 1998-2007? How did a country with no history of producing talented female tennis players have five of the ten world’s best players in 2007 trained in the same ramshackle club near Moscow? Because these forty women saw someone from their country and with their background have success. Motivation!

Tell yourself this: “If she can do it, I can do it”

Within three years of Roger Bannister breaking the four-minute mile, seventeen others accomplished something previously considered physically impossible!

Tell yourself: “I want to be like him!”

Motivated people see what they want and say to themselves: “Better get busy!”

b) Got long-term commitment?

How long do you think you’ll stay in your vocation? Studies are finding that those who say that they truly intend to stick at something will practice deeply and longer and – guess what – develop much more talent and skill! Those who start out with just a small commitment do not put in the hours to get good.

People see a champion and say: “That looks terrifically worthwhile!”

c) A primal cue such as losing a parent early in life can have a huge impact on drive. Why? Because it makes a child feel unsafe and that emotion can trigger a huge outpouring of energy (drive). An astonishing number of world leaders experienced such trauma.

d) The Scrooge Principle: Avoid making the location of your talent hotbed/training ground too cushy. All the ones Coyle visited were virtual shantytowns. An environment that is too pleasant shuts off the inclination to work hard.

e) The Sistine Chapel Effect

What’s your office culture like? To sustain motivation it helps to be surrounded by others on a similar path. In Renaissance Italy, Michelangelo had many talented peers in Florence. In Shakespearean England, several writers would meet at the Mermaid Tavern in London. In Curacao, the Frank Curiel Field is a hotbed of developing baseball talent. The streets of Sao Paulo are alive with activity and evidence to reinforce the football obsession of Brazilian culture.

I believe that’s why Brian Tracy recommends turning your car into a university on wheels – surround yourself with inspiring audio programs to give your mind the reminders it needs.

3. Master Coaching

There’s a very good reason coaching is being used by an increasing number of “the rest of us” who are not world superstars. It’s a best practice!

a) Praise hard work, ACTION and small progress NOT talent and intelligence (because these are perceived as innate)

b) Praise must be earned. John Wooden, considered by ESPN to be the best coach of all time from any sport, was once studied. Of 2,326 discrete acts of coaching, 6.9% were compliments, 6.6% were expressions of displeasure and 75% were pure information: what to do and how to do it.

Modify this to who you are coaching as Wooden worked with hand-picked athletes. But too much coddling is a detriment to the struggle necessary to grow.

c) Keep your comments brief

d) Master Coaches have deep knowledge, are perceptive (quick to figure others out); have a GPS Reflex (give out lots of information in short, clear bursts; for example: “Good. Okay, now do this.”); and a theatrical honesty – they use drama and their own moral character.

e) Help others to develop the right skill circuits as often as possible rather than tell them what to do

Coyle concludes by saying that “the more an organization embraces the core principles of ignition, deep practice, and master coaching, the more myelin it will build, the more success it will have.”

Please forward this on.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com

It is a gut-wrenching tale to hear how he went from thinking he had actually died to being revived and, upon regaining full consciousness, to being diagnosed as paralyzed from the neck down.

It is an inspiring tale to hear how he went from almost giving up on any rehab to feeling movement in his left toes and, 15 years later, running the Chicago Marathon in 2009. (Frankly it is inspiring to get to spend a week with John and soak up some of his drive to make a difference in the world.)

Here’s what I took away from John’s presentation that wove in his story with his subsequent personal and professional success:

“Each of you has the ability to overcome your paralysis, to overcome your adversity to lead a life from the inside out and reach your dreams and goals.”

John struggled for many years. And in this crazy busy world, it is so easy to skim over such a statement. At first he ignored his diagnosis and refused to talk to the hospital psychologist. His body demanded enormous amounts of sleep. He did everything any self-respecting personal development book preaches: he worked hard, asserted himself by asking for what he wanted (so he could rehab effectively), was patient and persistent, and he believed in himself.

The intended point here is for you to ask yourself:

1. What are my obstacles at the moment? Where do I feel stuck?
2. Say to yourself: “If he can do it, I can do it.”

You are not lying in a hospital bed with your neck in traction. Yet mentally sometimes we do put ourselves there.

3. Seek solutions. Who already has what you want? Find those people and do what they have done.

You’ve had confident times. What habits can you replicate from those times to reinforce your self-belief?

How John Has Applied this to his Business.

Notice how client-centric and not sales-centric the suggestions are (oh and by the way, beware dismissing it as too warm and fuzzy: John is a top of the table MDRT producer):

a)     Connect more deeply: Everyone has a story – find out about it. Understand what the goals and dreams of your clients are. Many people don’t know what they want; imagine the power you have to help them gain clarity.

b)     Educate yourself more: it helps your clients. The more you know, the more confident you become and the better you can help them

c)     Focus on a process not a product. John is a huge advocate for having a sales process and not asking questions oriented around selling a product (until it’s the absolute best fit). It starts with making sure you and your prospect are a good match and that you both want to work together. This communicates that you want what they want from a service provider: a long-term relationship not a transaction based on your neediness!

d) Dreams and goals discussions come before facts and figures

e)    Always honor the gatekeeper and those lower on the totem pole: it’s the right thing to do and will sometimes lead to great business you never expected. John tells the story of one big prospect who he could never get through to. He ended up inviting this prospect’s assistant out to lunch, asking her what her dreams and goals were, doing business with her and her husband (who was a physician at Rush Hospital) and ultimately opening business doors at that hospital AND with the big prospect.

f)     Measure the Human capital: help your clients recognize their own worth and potential outside of traditional financial assets.

Just because you may not have had a near-death experience, it does not give you permission to have little motivation! John would be the first to admit he holds no special powers. My advice is: dream big dreams to get the juices flowing and say to yourself: “If he can do it, I can do it.”

John, who will be running for NAIFA’s Executive Committee in September 2011 (so vote for him if you can!), concluded by saying; “Each of you have what you need – the talent, the capability and the courage – to live from the inside out.”

Now it’s time to believe it and do it.

Author: Matt Anderson, The Referral Authority, Author of Fearless Referrals

www.TheReferralAuthority.com